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Parenting 101 - Boundaries

One of the greatest challenges as parents is to train our children to become responsible and appreciative. As Abigail is growing, we are facing such a challenge on a daily basis. People may ask, why start so early? Does Abigail even understand??? YES. And that's a resounding yes. We're amazed how clever a little toddler can be, the things they can process in their little minds. They are indeed smarter than what we can imagine.

Lately, the challenge for us has been to train Abigail to appreciate things given to her. And the greatest challenge comes during meal times. "Abigail, please eat everything on your plate b/c mommy has spent time and energy preparing food for you. And you will grow strong and healthy if you eat." Abigail understands these words, but she simply refuses to put food into her mouth, but would rather stare out into space or make food her daily craft project. What's been happening as a consequence? She cannot get her daily yummy snack or watch her favorite video or some other things that are a privilege for her. It's been emotionally difficult seeing Abigail with such a sad look, watching her younger sister Isabel enjoying her snacks after nap time. We can't yet discipline Isabel especially because she absolutely loves food and has no problem eating everything on her plate. Maybe that's a problem in itself. It's been emotionally challenging b/c we don't like to see Abigail sad or growing hungry, but facing these consequences are slowly bearing fruit. When dinner time comes, Abigail literally hoards her food. After a few days, we hope to see change in Abigail's pattern of eating, ultimately to know that she should appreicate what mommy makes for her, and to know she cannot live life on junk food, but real hearty meals. And she's finally learned to ask "May I be excused?" When we turn to her, she would show us her empty plate/bowl and open her mouth to confirm she's literally eaten everything.

The lesson for us is that we need to provide boundaries for Abigail so she can learn. We cannot determine our course of action because she's sad she can't get her way. Even in times of discipline, we would embrace her and kiss her...and she shyly asks, "Can I have my snack now?" The answer is still "no", but that doesn't hinder us from expressing love to her. She's slowly understanding that she can get all the lovin from us, but a "no" will stay a "no" until she has "earned" her favorite snack or other privileges.

Posted by Ted on November 1, 2005 04:08 PM

Comments

Posted by: Phong BQ on November 2, 2005 02:13 PM

Posted by: Guy on November 3, 2005 07:52 AM